Funny Stuff

Book Dedications Done Right

For Colin Firth

It takes tens of thousands of words properly strung together to create a book ("properly," remember, is a relative term). Yet many authors will tell you the toughest words to work with are the ones they use in their dedications. Oh, if you're feeling a pain in your left side right now, ignore it. That's just a stab of guilt for skipping over those early pages in the book to get to what you think is the important stuff: the story.

Anyway, most writers fall back on the tried-and-true strategy of dedicating their books to a family member. However, doing so is seldom without angst. In fact, it often requires time spent in front of a bathroom mirror rehearsing speeches for various other kinsfolk who have the audacity to ask why the book wasn't dedicated to them.

Sometimes though, some writers do get brave enough to let their comedic geniuses have their way with the page. Since we love to curate, we've collected several that we appreciate and want to share them with you. Maybe one day, if you decide to write a book, you'll remember this and dedicate it to us accordingly. Not that we're promising to read it, or anything.  After all, there's a story to get to.

Anyway, on to the good stuff.

From Fuzzing: Brute Force Vulnerability Discovery by Michael Sutton, Adam Greene, and Pedram Amini. Amini wrote:

I dedicate this book to George W. Bush, my

Commander-in-Chief, whose impressive career

advancement despite remedial language skills

inspired me to believe that I was capable of authoring

a book.


From Everything is Going to Kill Everybody - The Terrifying Real Ways The World Wants You Dead by Robert Brockway:

This book is dedicated to Meagan, who has had the

kindness and decency to not realize she’s way out of

my league for many years now. It should also be noted

that this entire book was her idea. Please direct

complaints accordingly.


From Let's Pretend this Never Happened by Jenny Lawson:

I want to thank everyone who helped me create this book

except for that guy who yelled at me in Kmart when I was eight

because he thought I was being "too rowdy."

You're an asshole, sir.


From The House of Hades by Rick Riordan

To my wonderful readers:

Sorry about that last cliff-hanger.

Well, no, not really. HAHAHAHA.

But seriously, I love you guys.


From Ruins by Dan Wells:

This book is dedicated to everybody you hate.

Sorry. Life's like that sometimes.


From I Was A Child by Bruce Eric Kaplan:

This book is for my

parents, who tried


From 2 States by Chetan Bhagat:

This may be the first time in the history of books,

but here goes:

Dedicated to my in-laws.


From You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News by The Editors of Cracked

For refusing to collapse into an earth-devouring black hole

under the force of its own staggering density, we dedicate this

book to Theodore Roosevelt's left testicle.


There are many many others, but we need to make room for a couple from one of our favorite dedication author: Derek Landy. We bow in homage to the man for his Skulduggery Pleasant book dedications. He does a few for the obligatory family members, like with this one from Skulduggery Pleasant: Playing with Fire:

This book is dedicated to my family -- because otherwise I'd never

hear the end of it…

Nadine: warm, kind and considerate. I am all of these things.

Audrey: the greatest thrill of your life is probably the fact that I'm

your brother.

Ivan: meaningless words such as "brilliant", "amazing" and

"inspirational" have been used to describe me, but not nearly enough.

If any of you thought that there'd be anything sincere or heartfelt in

your dedications, allow me a moment to quietly laugh at you…

Because the heartfelt sincerity is reserved for my nana.

Chic, this book is also dedicated to you, for all the love and support

you've shown me over the years. I love you much more than any of

your other grandchildren do, I swear.


Landy does occasionally get sentimental, like he did in this dedication from Skulduggery Pleasant: Dark Days:

This book is dedicated to Laura.

I'm not going to make any jokes here, because apparently

you are the one person on Earth who does not find me

even remotely funny.

I am HILARIOUS. Ask anyone. Ask your sister. She

thinks I'm HYSTERICAL (you do, don't you Katie…?)

And yet, even though you refuse to recognize my comedy

genius, and you refuse to publicly admit how impressed

you are by everything I do, you're still getting a book

dedicated to you  -- because without you, Skulduggery

wouldn't have his Valkyrie.

You're my friend and my muse, and I owe you a lot.

(A "lot" being, of course, entirely figurative, and in no

way implies that you're getting a share of the royalties.)


But our favorite one by Landy must be seen to enjoy it. Here it is from Skulduggery Pleasant: Mortal Coil--