Funny Stuff

Advice from Authors — Quotes to live by

St. Ernest

We don't think it's a coincidence that November 1st is both All Saints Day and Author's Day. Seriously, we know how wise and helpful authors are. How intellectually gifted. How creatively endowed. And, perhaps most importantly, how funny. In other words, we realize just how saintly they are. 

So to honor them we thought we'd gather some of their wise, helpful, smart, creative, and funny advice and useful author quotes. May you go forth and lead a better life (or at least a life with a grin on your face.)

Get your facts first, then you can distort them  as you please. --Mark Twain

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. -- Elbert Hubbard

I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different. -- Kurt Vonnegut

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.  -- Nora Ephron

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck. -- Joseph Heller

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Snore, and you sleep alone.  --Anthony Burgess

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.  -- Erma Bombeck

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.  --Isaac Asimov

There are some men who enter a woman's life and screw it up forever. -- Janet Evanovich

The only thing to do with advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. -- Oscar Wilde

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp. -- Terry Pratchett

It is a good rule  in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. -- P.G. Wodehouse

Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them. -- Laurie Notaro

Never under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. -- Dave Barry

If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve. -- David Sedaris

Plaid is always cute and always will be. But only on the bottom. At the top, it makes you look like a farmer. -- Jen Lancaste

As far as I'm concerned, the entire reason for becoming a writer is not having to get up in the morning. -- Neil Gaiman

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. -- Dorothy Parker

It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. -- Jerome K. Jerome

And now, for perhaps the most important and useful advice you could ever get:

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems with potatoes. --Douglas Adams

Derpy Potato by PuppyMintMocha


Author Quotes